


Novaturient

by futuresteven (orphan_account)



Series: unity [11]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, Gem Fusion, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Self-Acceptance, steven is a fusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24122374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/futuresteven
Summary: Novaturient (adj.): Desiring or seeking powerful change in your life, behavior, or a certain situation.Steven and his components begin their journeys to acceptance and peace.
Relationships: Pink Steven Universe & Everyone, Pink Steven Universe & Steven Universe, Steven Universe & Everyone, no ships - Relationship
Series: unity [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1671916
Comments: 24
Kudos: 107





	1. Redamancy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (n.) The act of loving the one who loves you; a love returned in full.

Two parts of a whole.

It was a term many people knew. Connie had first heard the term in math class, while Pearl had heard the term used to describe the rebellion. The sentence was a recognizable one, one that most people recognized upon hearing it. It’s meaning seemed to be simple. A whole is made up of two or more parts. However, there was much more to the term than one would originally believe.

Maybe Steven only took the words so seriously because he _was_ the product of two halves coming together. In some odd way, he _was_ the whole in this scenario. His ‘parts’ would be his gem half and his human half, nicknamed Yin and Yang by him and Connie. 

“Yin and Yang represent the idea that _everything_ in nature should be seen as part of a whole,” she had explained, drawing the symbol, “It’s used to show that opposite forces balance themselves out. Here, in the white half, called Yang, there’s a black circle, one that kind of looks like an eye. This is used to show that there’s bad that’s in the good. In the darker half, called Yin, there’s a white circle. This shows that there’s good in the bad as well.”

Together, both halves resembled all of life. It only made sense that these became his component’s nicknames. Yang was his human half, while Yin was his gem half. They had chosen who was who themselves. Steven was their fusion name. The moment they unfused, he didn’t exist anymore.

Most people believed that having two ‘consciences’ sounded cool. People would oftentimes ramble on about how eventful it must be never being alone within your own body. Steven would quickly shoot down this belief, explaining that, as much as he loved Yin and Yang, it wasn’t easy being their fusion sometimes. Their disagreements almost _always_ led to unfusion. Agreeing on things took lots of time for the most part. Other things like that would be explained as well. 

However, the hardest part of being _Steven_ was that there was almost never peace. He was his own result of years of trauma he experienced while saving the universe. The smallest things would bring back so many memories that he’d rather not remember. Last time he had heard a loud noise, he ended up swelling to the size of a giant. When people got a little _too_ close to his gem, he would turn pink and run away. Even sleeping wasn’t very easy, seeing as how he would have dreams from two separate minds every night. The mixture of his component’s dreams usually ended up leading to a horrible result.

It was one of these results that had woken him up. Steven’s form grew unstable to the point he was forced into separation. Yin sat next to Yang in bed, holding him close and even letting him cry into his shoulder. Their nightmare was much more than just a nightmare, it was a flashback. A flashback of multiple things all mixing together to create something terrible. They never let these awful things destroy their mutual redamancy. Together, they were strong.

Both halves were wistful for the times when Steven was little, sitting in the back of the van and learning how to play the ukulele with his father’s help. However, they were aware that going back to those times was impossible now. No matter how hard they tried, they were stuck in the present and the past at the exact same time. The future didn’t exist in their world.

Recently, everyone has been encouraging them to find themselves. Amethyst, for example, would bring Yin to the junk yard, hoping that he’d find enjoyment in finding trash. This plan was proven to be a bad one when the gem looked in the direction he left his human in and walked to him. When the purple gem finally managed to catch up, Steven was on the floor, giggling and hugging himself. They had fused again.

At the same time, people would try to get them to accept that the past happened. This was a difficult concept for both Steven _and_ his components to grasp. Pearl had taken Yang to lunch one day and talked to him about things he couldn’t seem to get out of his head. The moment when his emotions became _too_ strong, Yin had come flying into the room. After that, it was _Steven_ who ate lunch with Pearl.

Seeing as how they were hard to keep separated, Garnet offered to help talk to Steven instead of just either Yin or Yang. She asked the same things that the other Crystal Gems had. By the end of the day, the fusion walked home with Yin and Yang trailing behind her.

At the end of the day, it all depended on how Steven and his components wanted to change. This was the hardest part about changing Steven’s ways. Yin and Yang could _never_ agree on which method was better. Sometimes, one of them found a method to be useful, but the other found it to be useless. They refused to do anything apart, claiming that it was better that they could do the same thing as Steven. His _therapist_ even struggled on giving them suggestions at times because of this. 

“Stronger together” was a motto that they had all taken to heart. As Yang shifted in Yin’s embrace in order to nuzzle into his shoulder, both of them thought of the term. Together, they could get through anything. They had already gone through so much, anyways. It was much easier to handle a conflict when there’s two people instead of just one, even if there were occasional disagreements or even arguments about how they could get rid of said conflict. 

Yang sniffled and Yin traced patterns into his back. It wouldn’t be the best decision to fuse at that moment, seeing as how unstable the human was at the time. There was no point in fusing again if it would lead to unfusing right away. The gem shifted so the other could be even closer to him. “We’re okay…” Around others, he sounded monotone and sometimes even _robotic._ However, there was no need to be scared about showing emotions around someone who’s always near you anyways.

“Yeah.” Yang whispered, taking a deep breath before continuing, “You’re right. We’re safe. No one can hurt us.” Especially not in their own bedroom. He relaxed, practicing breathing exercises that their therapist had taught Steven about not too long ago. They had proven to be helpful, especially to Yang.

The gem squeezed him gently, “I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you, anyways.” This gained a small laugh out of the other, who leaned back within his hold and finally hugged him back. They were as comfortable as they could possibly be while unfused, enjoying each other’s presences. Yin let out a sigh after a few minutes of silence. “We have to try to accept the past. Surely, there’s a method out there that’ll work for all of us _and_ tell us more about ourselves at the same time.”

“That sounds nice,” Yang replied with a hum, trying to think of anything that they enjoyed doing. Steven liked to sing, watch movies, stargaze, explore… it was difficult to find anything that Yin or Yang liked to do while unfused. “It’s funny. You’d think that after being fused for so long, we would at least know a thing or two about ourselves, about each other. But we don’t know anything, it’s kinda weird. We know everything about Steven but nothing about who _we_ are.”

Yin ran a hand through the other’s hair. “We’ll find out everything we need to know. Right after that, we’ll fuse and Steven will be happier as well. Plus, we need to accept that the past happened anyways at some point, whether we wanted it to happen or not.” He had always been one to state the facts as he knew them. Bluntness has helped Steven out on multiple occasions, and that was all thanks to Yin.

“I guess you’re right,” replied the human with another sigh. He then yawned, drowsily snuggling up closer to his other half. “Easier said than done, but we’ll fix everything! If we can fix the errors of the Diamond’s’ ways, then we can fix the errors of our ways, too! And,” Another yawn, “after that everything will be better and…” At his third yawn, Yin interrupted him.

“You’re tired,” He pointed out. The other groaned at the fact that Yin recognized this. Slowly, he laid back down and pulled Yin down with him. “Let’s sleep. We can talk about this with the gems in the morning.”

“Ohh, fiiiine.” Yang pouted. He was struggling to keep his eyes open at that point. Lazily, he rolled onto Yin and whined. “Let’s just fuse back together… and then _Steven_ can sleep.” They had been unfused for a while now and neither of them liked that. They felt as if they were incomplete when they were apart. 

With a small nod, Yin held Yang close as a bright light surrounded them. Moments later, Steven laid there, hugging his star pillow close as he drifted off into a deep slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the first chapter of Unity’s first chapter book!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! ✨


	2. Absquatulate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (v.) To leave somewhere abruptly.

The glittering sun rays spread various hues of shiny silvers and golds across the sky. In the distance, the faint sound of birds chirping could be heard. It was morning now, the start of a new day in the crazy life of Steven Universe. Only time could tell what today held.

Steven lay in bed, his face pressed into his pillow and the blankets barely covering him up. This was regular for him nowadays. In his nightmares, he’d often twist and turn within his sleep quite a bit. Of course this would result in his bed being messy by the time he woke up.

He wasn’t having a nightmare right now. All seemed to be peaceful within both his mind and his room. Until the door slammed open and the Gems ran in, that is. Amethyst chucked a pillow at Steven and laughed when the hybrid jumped up, clearly startled by the action. “Wake up, Ste-man! It’s time for you to go to Little Homeschool!”

Sitting up and blinking the tiredness out of his eyes, the boy raised a brow at the purple gem. “I quit working there a long time ago.” The response made her laugh once again, while Pearl facepalmed and Garnet took a step forward and placed a hand on the other’s shoulder.

“Little Homeschool was made in order to help Gems find their places in the universe,” She stated, helping the other make his bed once he finally got out of it. “It was an idea that you gave us. Little did we know, there was another universe that we had no clue about. Two people in  _ your  _ universe, Steven, who haven’t found their places just yet.”

It took a moment for her words to sink in, but once they did Steven’s face paled and he shook his head, waving his hands. “No, Yin and Yang don’t need Little Homeschool…! They need a purpose that isn’t,” He hesitated, gesturing to himself with a frown. “That isn’t  _ me!  _ They already know all about Earth!”

Pearl sighed. “Steven, they may learn a thing or two about who they are. Just give it a chance. For all you know, they could find out things about themselves that’ll help them have an identity of their own,” She picked up dirty laundry off of the floor and threw it into the hamper, clearly disgusted by the state his room was in. “Besides, it’s not like you have plans for today already or anything.”

Before the hybrid could even respond, Amethyst stopped laughing and grinned at him. “C’mon, it’ll be fun! By the time you’re back, you’re gonna be happier than you ever have been before!” She looked hopeful. However, the words made Steven still.

“Wait… let me get this straight. You want me to unfuse, and then you want Yin and Yang to go to Little Homeworld. Even though Yang can’t be alive without Yin around and will  _ die  _ if he’s separated from his gem for even just an hour.” He didn’t sound too pleased with the idea. Yet again, he was rather protective over his components, just like how they were protective over him. 

Pearl smiled sheepishly. “Well, yes. They won’t be seperated for over an hour… although they’d preferably be unfused for a few hours at most. They’ll still be together, but we figured that it’d be better for them to be unfused while they’re finding interests. Otherwise, one may think they like something when it’s actually the other who likes it.”

**‘That’s ridiculous.’** Yin’s comment made Steven want to nod in agreement. However, since he and Yang were the only ones who could hear him at that moment, it would confuse everyone else. The fusion got stiff when he began to feel his gem half trying to overpower his human half. He pushed the feeling down and allowed Yang to comfort him.

“That still isn’t the greatest idea,” Steven opined, “Both of them can get unstable if they’re apart for too long. Especially Yin. The two of them have something like an invisible magnet that pulls them together. If someone gets in the way of that magnet, both of them will react in negative ways in order to get rid of that obstacle.”

Garnet crossed her arms. “We won’t separate them, don’t worry,” She reassured, the smallest hint of a smile on her face. “They’re going to be perfectly fine. We may even see you a few times throughout the day.” The words made the other fusion nod slowly, clearly considering it. “What do you say?”

Exactly an hour later, Steven left the house along with the other gems. He drove them to Little Homeschool, clearly not the most excited about what he had agreed to do. At least he wasn’t completely nervous about it either.

Almost as soon as they arrived, he was asked to unfuse. Pressure and fear was what kept his components together this time. Sheepishly, he asked to go to a quiet place in order to convince himself to separate. Everyone except Garnet seemed confused by his request, and she allowed him to take as much time as he needed.

Steven sat in an empty field, not too far from the school. The sky was a bright blue above him. Beneath him, the grass was still softly wet from mildew. Despite this, his eyes were closed. His thoughts were jumbled, making it nearly impossible for him to know who didn’t want to unfuse and why. He whispered kind words to his components, such as ‘It’s okay’ and ‘You’ll be safe.’ Fortunately, his gem shined and two people sat where he once was.

They sat there, staring at each other for a while. It always took awhile to adjust to being unfused, and it was nice to have the time in order to do so. Yin shifted so he could press himself closer to Yang, clearly uncomfortable with the circumstances they were under. The human took as much energy in as he possibly could before he stood up and smiled. “Well, I guess we’re going to school! That’s something Steven never did!”

Yin followed in suit, glancing around the area with a nervous expression that no one else would have been able to recognize. He looped an arm through Yang’s, trying to push away any fears he had that all consisted of his human dying. Surely, this would all just be a waste of time. Maybe, halfway throughout the day, the others would realize that nothing was being taught. They would allow them to go home as Steven and rest. A tug on his sleeve brought him back into reality.

“It’s going to be okay,” His other half reassured, smiling at him with the same beam that Steven had. When Yin cracked the smallest grin, Yang’s expression lightened up. “That’s the spirit..! And hey, at the end of the day we’re going to be Steven again no matter what. Now come on, let’s go before we’re  _ too  _ late.”

Once they arrived, classes had already started. The two looked around before deciding on where they wanted to go. While Yang tried to walk in the direction of Vidalia’s art class, Yin walked in the complete opposite direction towards Bismuth's metal forgery class. Needless to say, the two were surprised by this. Decisions were much easier to make while fused.

Yang pressed himself closer to his gem, letting out a content sigh when he felt power run through him, “We can with what you want…! Art class can wait until later,” He offered, beginning to walk in the direction that the other had been walking in. However, he was quickly pulled back.

He wasn’t surprised to see that Yin’s facial expressions were gone. His gem was always odd when it came to showing emotion, odd to the point where he’d have a completely blank face. This made it so that his emotions were basically impossible to read, although Yang had found a way around the block by just seeing how his pupils looked. Along with this, his voice would be just as empty as his expressions. He spoke in a monotone, only ever raising his voice if Yang was in trouble.

“Art,” He said with that blank voice of his. When the other refused to move in a silent form of protest, his eyes softened and he looked around. Then, he tapped on Yang’s shoulder and pointed to the greenhouse. “Garden.”

The human’s expression lit up. “Good idea! Steven likes gardening, so maybe we will as well!” Although he hated to admit it, he was slowly becoming interested in what there was to do. “It’s a shame that there’s no interpretative dance class anymore. Steven always has a lot of fun teaching those… why  _ did  _ he quit, anyways?”

Yin didn’t reply, instead leading his other half to the class that was taught by Peridot. He still remembered when she had first started to plant things back at the barn. His thoughts drifted to Pumpkin and he held back a smile. Things back then, weren’t so bad. Even if many experiences would later lead their fusion to being traumatized, the things back then were nothing compared to what happened on Homeworld. After that, things would only build up, up until Spinel brought back all of his old, repressed memories.

Next to him, Yang was much more curious. He looked around, occasionally waving at another Gem who would stare at him with a confused expression. It was funny just how many people would open their mouths to speak to him and his gem, only to quickly run off when they realized that they weren’t Steven. Not everyone knew who they were, due to multiple reasons. The biggest reason being that Steven wasn’t a fan of people meeting his components.

They entered the greenhouse, pausing when they saw everyone’s surprised expressions. Nervously, Yang waved. “Hey, I hope you don’t mind if we join you! Just for today, at least!” He laughed nervously. “Steven always loved gardening so we thought-”

“No, it’s okay,” Peridot interrupted. “We’re just going over the basics of taking care of flowers right now. We’re applying science, though, so you can’t use your magic healing spit!” The response made Yang chuckle. He and Yin walked up to the table that Peridot had been demonstrating on. On top of it, a line of pots with flower seeds in them sat in a row.

Every once in a while, another gem would look over in their direction. This was understandable, of course. It’s not everyday that you saw two Stevens, one pink and the other pale from probably dying. However, no questions were asked. Even Peridot, a gem who was known for being rather curious, hadn’t asked a single thing.

The rest of the class went fairly well, despite Yin being very bored throughout it. At the end, everyone was assigned to grow the plant using what had been learned in class. Steven’s gem half didn’t care and simply made the flowers bloom right then and there using his spit. Needless to say, Peridot wasn’t too pleased. 

Next of all, they went to baseball class. Amethyst was excited to see them, quickly allowing them to join the game. Surprisingly, Yin was very good at batting, although he had been rushed to finish his turn quickly, seeing as how he almost constantly worried for Yang’s health 

Although the human could last about half an hour without contact with his gem, both halves always tried to ensure he always had a full amount of energy just in case. If he was ever alone for over an hour, however, he would be likely to die. Despite this, he tried his hardest at baseball, although he had little to no interest in it.

Surprisingly, they decided to try out Pearl’s technology class as well. Steven knew most of it already, along with Yin. However, Yang was very forgetful. He would learn something then forget what he had just learned right after. They were fortunate that the entire class was understanding.

Despite the class boring Yin and frustrating Yang, they sat through the entire thing. It was mostly made for gems who had just come from Homeworld, for example. It was unlikely that they would know what a toaster was, nor would they know how to use a computer. 

Finally, they had free time. The two were just about to fuse into Steven again when Garnet had approached them, Amethyst and Pearl following close behind. “How’s your first day of school?” The fusion asked. 

Yin shrugged his shoulders, while Yang spoke, “It’s been decent…! We’re learning things we’re good at, although we’re having problems agreeing on which class to go to next… and we miss Steven, of course, but…” His voice trailed off when Yin hugged him tightly. He hugged back, nuzzling into his embrace.

Amethyst frowned. “You guys should do whichever classes you want to do! If you guys don’t agree on one, then… maybe you can go to different classes? I’m sure Yang could survive for a while on his own, and-”

She was interrupted by a flash of light. Steven sat up, “Hey guys? I’m gonna go home. They don’t want to be here anymore.” He was visibly uncomfortable, covering his gem with his arm while the bridge of his nose glowed pink. Before anyone could even reply, he had sat up and ran off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Whist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (v.) To hush or silence; to still; to become silent.

Steven ran into his house and kicked his shoes off frantically. Within moments of his return home, he had already run up to his room and locked the door behind him, panting for air while he did so. Hopefully, the other Gems didn’t follow him home. He didn’t want to talk to them right now.

He took a few deep breaths before he burst into light. One became two and, as the light dissipated, Yin and Yang opened their eyes. The human didn’t say anything, instead wrapping his arms around the other and resting his head on his shoulder. Yin was surprised by the unprompted affection, but pulled the other into a firm embrace in turn. They were silent for a while, giving themselves time to understand what had just happened.

Surprisingly, it was Yin who started the conversation. He tightened his embrace on the human before he began. “They keep trying to seperate us.” It was a short and simple statement, but it held so much more meaning to the two than most would expect. Separation was only ever pleasurable when it was something both of them wanted, like now. Other times when they’re forced to unfuse, it isn’t enjoyable in the slightest. To them, they believed the others could be trying to hurt Steven for whatever reason.

“I doubt they meant for it to sound like that!” replied Yang, clearly trying to be at least somewhat optimistic. A nervous smile had made his way onto his features as he continued, “They love Steven and they love us…! I’m sure they just want the best for us. Maybe if we told them they would understand why we’re uncomfortable!”

The gem didn’t reply, instead contemplating what the other had said. The two of them, although complete opposites, would always settle on the best option and way of going about things. Typically, Yin was the one who used logic while Yang used emotion. This meant that Yang typically used more empathy while Yin used more facts.

“Steven made it clear that we’re uncomfortable with being forced to unfuse,” Yin pointed out. His arms were crossed and his typically impassive expression was full of emotion this time around. The human couldn’t tell what exactly he felt at that moment, but he was sure that the feelings were all negative. He sighed.

He didn’t want to admit it, but Yin was right. Steven had been clear about both his own  _ and  _ their thoughts when it came to being separated. Maybe the Gems really didn’t mean to scare them like they did. “I think they probably thought that splitting us apart would help us pick up on our own identities more. I mean, for all we could know they thought us being against separating probably had something to do with how protective we can be over each other.”

Yin took a seat on the bed and Yang settled down next to him, leaning on his shoulder. It was hard to dispel their fears whenever it came to things like this. Being forced into siding with or against the people who had practically raised you would be difficult for anyone.

“I thought we made it clear enough,” the Gem finally said after dwelling on everything mentioned for a few minutes. His gaze wasn’t vacant like it usually was as he turned to stare at his human half. “Steven was against the plan the entire time but the other Gems didn’t care. Maybe they didn’t know how much it could hurt us, hurt  _ you,  _ but they didn’t care for our feelings. They forced us to go there.” He put his hands on the other’s shoulders, frowning at him.

They made eye contact this time. Yin had a very stern expression, while Yang’s was much more hurt than anything. The gem’s features softened and he embraced his other half. The human went lax in his hold, hugging him back.

“Maybe we should talk to them about it,” He suggested. “They can’t force us to do anything anyways! It would be nice to just explain why their idea wouldn’t work. I know for certain that they’re not  _ trying _ to hurt us!” His tone was much more serious this time around, causing Yin to tense. Very rarely was he ever solemn about  _ anything.  _ When he was, he got a lot more volatile than usual.

Gradually, the gem loosened his embrace and leaned back. “We can try if it’ll help you feel better. You’re right, I don’t think they would ever intentionally hurt Steven,” He paused, shifting his hold. “He’s part of their family. By default, we’re part of their family as well. That’ll never change.”

Yang nodded, visibly determined to at least give it a shot. He knew that the gems would be home soon. The gems always seemed to listen to them as well, probably because they wanted to get to know them better. Truthfully, he felt bad that both he and Yin had little to no interest in getting close to other people. Steven was, and would continue to be, the friendly one out of the three of them.

And so, they waited for the Gems to return home. While they did so, Steven did a few things in order to kill time. He cleaned his room up after weeks of procrastinating. After that, he played video games, only for his components to unfuse so they could race against each other. Finally, the two halves are ice cream together.

As they were putting their bowls in the sink, the door opened and the Gems walked in. Pearl looked worried. Next to her, Amethyst was clearly drained. Garner, as usual, had an impassive expression. The three of them seemed to brighten once they realized Yin and Yang were there, though.

“Thank god you two are okay,” Pearl said with a relieved sigh, “Last time Steven ran away, things didn’t go so well. Don’t run off like that again, you worried us!” She reprimanded.

This time around, Yang spoke. “We need to talk.” His tone didn’t have a hint of happiness or anxiety in it. Arms crossed, he looked Pearl straight in the eyes, refusing to take away eye contact. This clearly startled the other gems as well as Yin, who rarely ever saw the other like this.

“Sure dudes,” Amethyst shrugged and flopped onto the couch, crossing her legs with a confused expression. Hesitantly, Pearl turned and followed her. Garnet simply walked over and leaned against the wall. Yin and Yang took a seat on a chair that they decided to share. Being closer to each other always made things more simple.

The halves exchanged quick glances, neither one sure of how they could start the conversation. Their train of thought was interrupted by Garnet. “Go ahead. We want to listen.” As per usual, the words were comforting.

“It’s just…” Yang’s voice trailed off. He pressed himself closer to his gem before continuing. “To us, separation isn’t just something we can redo again and again and again. Forcing us to unfuse can cause bad things to happen.  _ Really _ bad things to happen. Yin and I can unfuse and refuse, sure, but we prefer being Steven. We don’t need you to love us, or to respect us, or to even trust us. All we  _ do _ need is for Steven to be loved.”

Yin continued. “Forced separation causes side effects not only physically but emotionally as well. Yang is unable to live without me around him, and without him around I’m unable to feel much emotion at all. Even when we choose to unfuse, the process  _ hurts _ Steven. He doesn’t like us to meet people. Not because he’s crazy and possessive, but because we don’t want to be close to people anyways. There’s no point, since we’re always fused anyways,” He shrugged his shoulders, “I understand that you’re trying to help us, but we don’t want to learn separately. We want to learn more about ourselves  _ together.” _

The room fell into an uncomfortable silence. The Gems clearly needed some time to process all that they had been told. Garnet put a hand on one of each halves’ shoulders. “You should’ve told us earlier. You know that we would’ve understood that.” Her voice was reassuring as she smiled down at them. “Of course we’ll respect your wishes.”

“I’m sorry if you thought we wanted you to be hurt,” Pearl apologized, averting her gaze with a worried expression, “We weren’t even thinking and just wanted to help you two learn to be yourselves. None of us knew that it caused that much pain…”

“Yeah dudes, don’t worry,” Amethyst consoled, grinning at them. “It’s chill, we’re going to help you three like how you three helped us. That means you won’t have to be separated if you don’t want to be.”

“It’s okay!” Yang said with a reassuring smile, “You guys wouldn’t have known… it’s kind of hard to tell when it comes to us. Mostly because Steven refuses to talk about anything that hurts him.” Just as he began to feel relieved, the feeling was taken away when Yin stood up.

The words he said next weren’t expected, to say the least. He glanced over the others before finally making eye contact with Yang. “Maybe they have a point, though. Maybe we  _ should  _ be separated.” Even the Gems were surprised to hear this. The gem had completely contradicted all that had just been said.

Unsure of how to respond, Yang could only let out a weak  _ “What?” _ with a shaky voice. Yin took two long strides in order to be closer to him. “Yang, maybe being separated would be good for us. We could learn more that way about ourselves.”

Yang let the words sink in, but once they finally did his eyes filled with tears. Before the gem could even explain what he meant, the human shoved him back and ran away, throwing himself out of the door and running to stars know where. Helplessly, the Gems called out his name. Yin could only stand there with a shocked expression.

He hadn’t expected this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed!  
> (sorry for inconsistent updates! if it isn’t obvious, ive been losing some motivation lately)


	4. Nebulochaotic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (adj.) A state of feeling hazy and confused.

The only thing Yang could focus on was running. Getting as far away from the others as possible. Yin’s words repeated in his mind, plaguing every single thought he had. Why would he say that?

His heart raced and his lungs burned, but he didn’t care. Each time he began to slow down, he would force himself to hasten his pace. With each step he took, his body let out another plea to be united with it’s gem. Yang ignored it, trying his hardest to push his other half out of his head. All he could remember about him then were those awful words.

**_“Maybe they have a point, though. Maybe we should be separated.”_ **

Why would he _want_ to be unfused? The human frowned to himself, pondering over reasons why Yin could want such a thing. Maybe it was so he could see him more? Or maybe it was so they could be physically affectionate more? Perhaps it was so he could learn a little more about his powers?

No. Tears filled Yang’s eyes as he came across the most realistic conclusion. Yin had grown tired of constantly being fused with someone who was nothing more than an emotional wreck. Even when they were apart, he had to always be near his gem. It only made sense that he would want a break. No one should be forced to constantly look after someone.

Sullenly, the boy rushed into the woodland. The trees provided a comfortable amount of shade and the grass was typically soft. It was a common area for people to walk through every once in a while, even if it was almost always empty. Steven loved to come here every once in a while as well. It was the perfect place to relax and feel calm. It was the perfect place for him to…

He coughed weakly. The sight of blood wasn’t a pleasant one, especially when it was coming out of his mouth. Even more disheartening was the feeling of being _human._ While fused, he could feel both his own emotions along with Yin’s more foreign ones. The feeling of constantly being near what was basically a nuclear reactor was a comforting one. He missed feeling random surges of energy coming from Yin. He missed hearing the other make comments within Steven’s mind. It felt so awful being truly alone.

Part of him knew that he couldn’t turn back now. Admittedly, he wasn’t sure that he wanted to ever see his gem again. He had spent their entire existence as Steven being dramatic and sensitive. As a matter of fact, he’s hurt Yin enough to the point where he wanted to be split from him. Split. Apart. Unfused. Separated. His stomach burned and he knew he had to take a break.

After pushing himself to walk a little further, he finally found a spot where he believed that he wouldn’t be found. It was under a large tree that provided shade to the leafy floor below. The boy took a seat and leaned against the trunk, a soft sigh escaping his lips. He couldn’t help but tense as he was pushed back into his train of thought from earlier.

For sixteen years straight, Yin had been by his side. For fourteen of those sixteen years, they hadn’t even realized that there was so much more to the hybrid than they originally thought. That all changed when Yin picked Yang up and spun him around as they both giggled. Giggled at their stupidity, at _Steven’s_ stupidity. Months after those events, just before Steven had turned fifteen, they learned more about each other. Steven would visit his fusionscape in his dreams. On his birthday, _their_ birthday, he told Connie everything. While explaining what was happening, he got tired of referring to his halves as his human and gem half. The girl would offer a smile as she began to list name ideas. 

Since then, the three of them have done everything together. They would make conversation throughout the day, typically by Yin making some comment about something he disagreed with. Gradually, they found comfort in knowing that they weren’t alone. When they unfused for the second time, they were much more familiar with each other. After that day, they began to unfuse more, occasionally just doing it randomly for fun. However, they would always embrace each other at the end of the day and become Steven again.

_So why did Yin suddenly not want to be fused again?_

Yang flinched when he noticed a wet liquid running down his cheeks. He didn’t realize that he had been crying until then. Slowly, he brought his hand up and wiped his tears away. Thinking got harder by the second and he knew that the end was drawing near. Originally he had planned to go back to his gem before he would die, but as he ran he realized that death would be much more preferable over being separated with who was basically his living life support. 

He began to hum the song that he knew he could never forget. The same song Steven had written as a sort of coping mechanism after the events that took place in White’s Head. It’s lyrics had multiple meanings behind them. The first meaning, of course, was the most obvious. The Diamonds had all thought Steven was Pink. Similarly, his own guardians all thought he was Rose Quartz. The entire universe believed that he was the one who started the rebellion against Homeworld hundreds of years ago. However, most importantly, he learned to accept both himself and the two halves that made him himself. It took time, of course, but after struggling with his own case of Imposter Syndrome it became something that meant much more to him than just self acceptance.

The memory usually would make him smile, although this time it seemed much more than just solemn. He wiped another tear away, his humming interrupted by a choked sob. Shouldn’t he be happy? Together, he and Yin created someone beautiful, the living proof of their love for both each other and for their fusion. Together, they had gone through so much in order to save the universe. Together, they took down an entire empire and saved the universe. If it hadn’t been for them, all of Gemkind would still be tortured by the Diamonds. Gems wouldn’t go to Earth in order to graduate Little Homeschool if they hadn’t ever been granted the freedom of making their own decisions.

How come everything still felt so horrible? Yang didn’t mean the burning sensation gradually getting worse as his organs shut down one by one. He didn’t even mean the rough tree bark that was uncomfortable to lean against. What he did mean, however, was the feeling of being human. It was similar to how Yin felt when it came to just being a Gem, or how Steven felt when it came to being a hybrid at times. Was it selfish to still want happiness, even after all he had gone through? He should be happy, so why wasn’t he?

He tried to distract himself by singing that same song once again. This time, he sung the words out loud, despite the stinging in his lungs. He remembered his therapist telling him that he hadn’t had a childhood. Never once did he ever have a true time in his life where he was completely happy. “But I want you to know you can know me, if you change your mind…”

Throughout everything, Steven never had someone who asked him how he was. He was always the one helping and encouraging others. If it hadn’t been for him, Beach City would probably be a much worse place. A much messier area, where relationships weren’t so stable as they were now. Yang frowned as he remembered those awful days when Steven would be incredibly stressed out by the other residents. He always had to fix things.

“If you change your mind…”

His thoughts drifted back to Yin. He could never forget those days when the only ones they had were each other. Throughout everything, they stayed strong together. It was so out of character for the gem to suggest they remained unfused that even Yang was still surprised. Surely, his other half hadn’t been lying to both he and Steven the whole time, right? The thought made him feel more nauseous than he already felt.

“If you change your mind…”

Why hadn’t he died yet? He had been waiting for it, yet he was still there. His entire life had already been lived already. By skipping a childhood, he was forced into maturity at a much younger age. An age where most kids sat in school, the worst of their problems being a test they had that Friday. That life felt much more ideal to him. Steven could probably be much happier if he lived that way.

“...Change your mind.”

Yang got startled when he heard another voice. Although it sounded like he had said the last lyrics, he knew for a fact that he hadn’t said that. The lyrics came out more like words than parts of a song. His voice wasn’t that empty nor was it that hollow. He glanced around and jumped when he made eye contact with someone standing hidden in the foliage across from him. 

Yin didn’t look like Yin. His expression was impassive and seemingly void of any emotion whatsoever. Along with that, his eyes were empty and dull. Had Yang been anyone else, he would’ve ran away screaming. However, he wasn’t anyone else. The gem walked over to him in a robotic manner. He couldn’t meet his gem halfway due to his lungs likely being dead at that point. His body was screaming for its gem, wanting to be whole already. Weakly, the human could only say “Yin” as the other leaned down and picked him up.

Upon making contact with his gem half, Yang felt a surge of energy. Almost instantly, he felt more alive than he had felt in what felt like an eternity. Yin was still staring down at him with a blank expression, not yet gaining any emotion from his other half. The gem provided Yang with energy and life, while the human provided Yin with empathy and the ability to feel. It was a stable cycle that simply just made sense to both of them.

Usually, this would be a good thing. This time wasn’t the usual, though. Once Yang came to his senses, he squirmed out of his gem’s hold and stumbled back. Why was Yin here? Did he just want to tell him why they would be better unfused? Being separated would be “good” for them, after all! Just ignore the human slowly dying as he tried to do things away from the other,

“Yang.” Even if Yin’s voice held a little more emotion this time, the human scooted further away from him. The gem took a seat a few inches next to him, deciding to respect his obvious request for privacy. He could feel all of Yang’s emotions at that moment. There was anger, sadness, regret, _guilt…_ it left the boy speechless. He really had hurt the other, hadn’t he?

The human only bristled at the mention of his name. He saw how his other half held concern in his previously-blank eyes, but this time he didn’t feel so bad. Instead, he glowered. “Why are you here? Here to tell me how much better we would be apart?” His expression darkened, “Are you here to tell me that you’re a gem, so I’m _weak_ compared to you?”

Hurt and betrayal were expressed through his eyes. Yin shook his head slowly, scooting a little closer to his other half. “Even if you’re a human and I’m a gem, we’re not any more powerful than the other. We’re at an equal strength, Yang. Sure, I have fancy powers that I can use, but they’d be completely _useless_ if it wasn’t for _your_ ability to feel.”

Both of them fell silent at his words. A small hint of a sad smile came over the gem’s features as he quickly looked away, averting his gaze. “Oh, to be able to _feel…_ I’d give my powers up for that anyday. I can’t feel unless I'm around you. You’ve always been the more kind and forgiving one. Even when I pointed out that you were far too lenient on the others, you refused to listen and even convinced Steven to be a pacifist as well. That isn’t an easy task, but you’re _strong._ Nothing can stand in your way, not even _me.”_

Bemused, Yang could only stare at him with wide eyes. He was gaping, clearly not expecting to ever hear such a thing. A human, stronger than a _gem?_ The thought was ridiculous. Why would anyone want to be able to feel? What felt like thousands of questions popped into his head, all making their presences known as they pushed down onto his insecurity.

“Then tell me, why do you want to stay separated?” The human’s tone was downright depressing. No one could miss how he suddenly looked much more sullen than he did before. His outburst had only led to his other half thinking things over.

Yin fell silent and he stood. “I figured that you would want to explore your own interests. We have some similar interests, but they aren’t the same, Yang,” He rested his hands on the other’s shoulders, “We were both bored when we dragged each other to go to classes we had no interest in. That’s the only idea I could come up with on such short notice.” He leaned back and held out a hand for him to take.

“Trust me. You won’t know any of my own interests for a _long_ time,” snapped the human, cringing back at his own words. He, too, stood up tall. “The only way I could see you knowing my interests would be by forcing you to like what I like. I don’t want that. I wanted us to learn everything together as Steven, but you never wanted that. You used me and played my trust.”

The gem watched with wide eyes as Yang sent a glare at him over his shoulder. “I’ll be home soon. Go on without me, I don’t know if I want to talk to you ever again after this.” He began to walk back from where he came from, deep in the woodland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	5. Querencia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (n.) A place where one’s strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self.

He was leaving.

Yin’s calm demeanor cracked and he held out an arm. Within mere seconds, a bright pink dome surrounded them. Yang ran into it and let out a sharp groan. For a moment, he was confused, blinking at the odd walls surrounding them. Then, he whipped his head around and glared at Yin.

“I said I  _ need space,  _ Yin! Can’t you just give me some time for  _ myself?”  _ He crossed his arms. Something about Yin seemed off, though. 

That’s when the Gem looked up at him with a face that was way too expressive for Yang to read. He held out his hands as he yelled. “You could have  _ died,  _ **Yang!** You  _ know  _ you can’t live without me, you  _ know  _ you were  **_dying_ ** when I reached you!” He growled, tugging at his hair as tears fell from his eyes, “When I said we should unfuse for a little while, I  _ never  _ meant that permanently! I don’t want you to fucking  **_die_ ** **because of some** **_dumb_ ** **thing I said!”**

The human was shocked. Never had he  _ ever  _ seen the other look so disappointed and worried before. Something else notable was that, even though he usually had a pink aura surrounding him, Yin was now  _ glowing  _ like a human glow stick.

Yang’s face softened. “Yin, I…”

“Just  **shut up!** I don’t want to hear it!” He slid down the dome and sat down on the floor, burying his head in between his knees. “It’s sometimes like you never care about how  _ I  _ feel! What would I do without you?! If you died, I wouldn’t be able to feel. I’d have no empathy and hurt more people than I  _ already  _ have! I would have to live with the death of my other half each and every single day, while also somehow dealing with all of this Gem stuff that would have never been fixed if it wasn’t for you!” He was shouting. “It doesn’t help that we wouldn’t be able to be…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence. What would his life be like without Steven, without  _ Yang?  _ So many mixed emotions were coming from the human, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. His whole life he had put himself as second and it felt nice to finally say how he felt. Even knowing that Yang would  _ consider _ doing such a thing  _ hurt  _ him.

Along with that, he knew that if one more person left he wouldn’t know how to cope with it. Everyone was leaving him and Yang behind, leaving  _ Steven  _ in Beach City while they went to things like college or space. Hatred burned in him whenever he remembered that he could  _ never  _ have a normal life. He was doomed to suffer from birth. Did his mom  _ want him  _ to be in pain?

Yang took a seat next to him and held him close. This didn’t help anything, although it did make Yin flinch rather violently at the touch. However, he returned the hug after hesitating for a little while. No words had to be said because their tears both said it all.

They had let others separate Steven, something that they both agreed to  _ never  _ allow. Both of them were in the same amount of pain, even if they were struggling in different, unique ways. At that moment, they remembered why they preferred being fused in the first place. Handling things with two minds put together was much better than only having one. Plus, it only made sense for them to be fused.

In some way, they were the same person split in half. Even if unfusing on occasion for others wasn’t such a bad thing, doing it solely just to please someone wasn’t a good idea. They felt love for each other, but it wasn’t romantic, platonic, or even familial. Together, they felt whole. It was a love that no one besides them could even try to understand. When separated, it felt like they were missing something. Those empty gaps were closed when Steven returned.

“From now on, let’s do things together. As Steven.” Yin’s voice was soothing. The other nodded frantically, already missing the feeling of being whole. They had a far way to go but they were still so young. It would be crazy for them to rush through the present in order to reach the future.

That’s when Yang chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck as he glanced to the side. “Steven probably won’t be too happy with us. You know how he is when we fuse into him after arguing.” This made Yin pause. His other half had a good point.

“You’re right.” His eyes widened and he crossed his arms. “I don’t even know why he gets like that. It’s almost like he’s the only one who can access our most private memories sometimes.” Both of them shivered.

Last time they argued then fused back together, their fusion had been disappointed in them. In order to prove a point that they all stuck together, he ended up mentioning a few of both Yin and Yang’s repressed secrets. Needless to say, he proved his point that day. 

The human frowned. “Oh… we must have put Steven through so much with everything happening lately. We probably hurt him by unfusing so often. I would be confused too if my components fused then unfused over and over again. He’s probably confused about… well, most things right now.”

Yin’s dome dissipated and he grabbed Yang’s wrist, gently tugging him back in the direction Beach City was in. “I’m sure with some explaining he’ll understand. Besides, when our minds combine he’ll probably know at least the gist of the story.”

They continued their conversation as they walked home. As soon as they entered Beach City, two forms turned into one. Steven lay there, laughing at the conversation they shared. He ignored any glances shot in his direction and stood up, rushing back home with newfound energy.

All of the Gems embraced him. With a small laugh, the fusion smiled, “I missed you too, guys.”


End file.
